I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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