Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
