i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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