omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
