Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just had sex bonerless
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
