but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
