dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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