I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
