This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
