"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
