They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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