It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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