he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
