I got chris browned last night
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
