why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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