shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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