Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ladies don't puke and tell
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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