I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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