I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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