Betty ford says i'm here all night
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
