i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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