the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Less talking, more tequila
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
