Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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