end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
