highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
