i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
