Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
