I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
