Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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