there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
