Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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