it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
