Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
