I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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