either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
