I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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