He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
