I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
