i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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