saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
