if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize