Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
