She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
