your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
