Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
