he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
