I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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