dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
