I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
