Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
