They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize