my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
