All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
