jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
