Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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