saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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