"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we're so committed to being not committed
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize