So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will be naked everywhere
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
