Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
