I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh god it's open bar.
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