What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
