Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
