just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
