im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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