It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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