I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
