the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She just used a chaser for red wine.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
