Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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