My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
